dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
