I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
