I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
