it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize