i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
