It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
