Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
