ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
