I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
