it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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