Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
