So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
