So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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