and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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