I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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