even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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