just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
