don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
