So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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