I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
