if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize