the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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