He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
