My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
