I'm so fucking centered right now
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
