the condom got lost in my hair
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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