we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
