You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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