There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Your penis caused this!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
