So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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