so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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