So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
