Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
