mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
