The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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