The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
