My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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