About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
