I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
