She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
