Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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