Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
