We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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