Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
