it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
