the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
