According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
