I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
