Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
