You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
