ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
