Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
