I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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