So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
