He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
