I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
