My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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