genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize