Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You just made me feel so damn special
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
