we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
