There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
