dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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