They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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