Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
