I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
