Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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